I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
