i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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