why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
