my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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