Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
