Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I could have mohawked her pubes.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
