cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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