Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
