We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
