That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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