my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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