i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
