i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
