plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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