Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We left an ass print on the piano.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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