my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
