I wish I only lived at night.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
