OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
