Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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