I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
