ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
