Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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