He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
