A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
