What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
