anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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