4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
