Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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