I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
