Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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