I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
