I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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