you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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