Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
is wine microwaveable?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
