am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
