Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
