his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
