Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
