I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
