I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
