Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
