I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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