the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
