I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
