I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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