i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
