The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
