Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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