Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
