Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Randomize
