I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
